Welcome to the Madhouse Chapter Eighteen

Chapter 18
What is Going On?

Day Two

"You're hiding the last puzzle piece from me, I know it! So hand it over!" the Riddler shouted.

The Joker remained in his relaxed position, lounging on the sofa in the rec room for the patients. His hands were linked beneath his head and his legs were crossed at the ankle. A grin wormed its way onto his face. "I still don't know what you're talking about, Eddie," he replied innocently.

The Riddler's face was beginning to turn bright red. He stood over the Joker's lounging form, his hands clenched into tight fists by his sides. "You witless, dense, catastrophic twat! Give me back that puzzle piece!"

The Joker yawned and made a dismissive gesture. "Uh, hey, Ed; d'ya mind moving a little to the left? Yer blocking the TV. I can't see Bugs Bunny making a fool out of Elmer Fudd."

Edward didn't move. "Clown!" he warned.

"Question Mark?" the Joker drawled.

Edward grasped at the top of his head, pulling at his red hair. This made Katherine and Katlyn 1 worry he'd pull out his hair. "I'll give you to the count of three to give me back the piece," he hissed, trying to keep his temper from sky rocketing.

"Aaaaw," the Joker cooed, "does Edward not wike it when a pwuzzle pwiece is missing? Dows it make him go …" the clown's eyes glinted mischievously, "nutty?"

Edward ground his teeth as the overwhelming desire to pummel the Joker deep into the sofa came upon him. Yes. Yes, an unfinished puzzle did make him anxious. And when it was within his power to complete it but was being stopped…. Well… not pretty.

"And what a shame that Nurse Amber isn't here to come to your rescue," the Joker jeered.

"I don't rely on Nurse Amber to settle my problems!"

"Oh really? Not at all? I seem to recall a situation-,"

"I do not need her here to help me! Besides, if she was here, she'd side with me."

The Joker made an unflattering noise with his mouth. "Phfft! Plu-leaz!"

"She would! She knows what an arrogant, ostentatious, buffoon that you are."

"And we all know that you're nothing but a little suck-up around her."

"I? A suck-up?"

"Yeees, you," the Joker responded, feigning a well-educated, high-society accent. "I bet you were a Momma's boy, weren't you? It's no wonder you're Amber's favorite."

"Ooooh, do I detect a hint of jealousy?"

The Joker's face changed from the look of one who has things going their way to the expression of someone on whom the tables have been turned. "Wha?"

"Oh! It is!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Not! Not! Not!"

"Are too! Too! Too!"

"…I still have your puzzle piece."

Edward's face quite accurately resembled the following text symbol face; O.o

"…..…Give me that piece!"

The Joker launched himself from the sofa and darted across the room, his right hand clutching the troublesome puzzle piece. "Finders keepers, Eddie!"

"Joker!"

As the Prince of Puzzles gave chase, Dr. Fitz walked into the room. He saw the two patients running around and the rest of the group sitting on the floor, watching. Well, some of them were watching. Chelsea and Katherine were currently arguing over which music artist sang 'One Way or Another' best; One Direction or Blondie?

"I don't care what you say! One Direction sang it better because they have Louis!" Katherine argued.

"But Blondie sang it first way before any of those boys were born!" Chelsea insisted. "So Blondie sang it better!"

"If they had had Louis then they would have sang it better, but they didn't! So they didn't!" Katherine gave a single, 'So there!' nod, not even caring if her last sentence made any since. Poison Ivy shook her head at the stupidity of the argument and sighed.

Dr. Fitz silently counted each other the patients and was pleased to find they were all accounted for. But where was Nurse Gilbert?

"Ahm…." He uneasily shuffled over to Harley Quinn, who was lying on her stomach with her legs held up in the air, crossed at the ankle. Her chin was resting in her hands. "Excuse me, Miss Quinzel?"

"It's Harley or Miss Quinn, take your pick," she replied without looking at him.

"Miss Quinn, where is Nurse Gilbert?"

Harley turned her head to look at him and a mysterious smile appeared. "Wouldn't you like to know?" she laughed.

"What have you done to her?" Fitz gasped.

"Keep yer shirt on your lean muscled torso, doc," Harley said in a playful voice. "We ain't seen 'er."

Dr. Fitz self-consciously folded his arms to block his torso from her sight. "What do you mean?"

"Sheez, I thought you Brits knew English better than us Americans. We no see Nurse Gilbert."

Harvey Dent joined the conversation. "We haven't seen her for hours."

Jonathan Crane adjusted his glasses and turned his un-amused gaze from the Joker and Nigma onto Dr. Fitz. "We were simply talking about all the nurses that had taken care of us in the past and how their time in Arkham …" Crane zeroed his cold, blue eyes on the doctor, "came to an end." He gave a rare, but creepy smile which suggested the conversation had been anything but pleasant.

"Then she up and scampered away like the white rabbit late for an important date," Jervis added.

"Yeah, left us in the middle of Arts and Crafts," Chelsea huffed.

"Not exactly the most stout of heart, is she?" Ivy purred.

Dr. Fitz's attention was diverted away from the group for a brief span of five seconds so he could leap out of the way of the Joker and Nigma as they zipped by.

"Ha ha Ha HA ha HA Ha hA! Never gonna catch me, never gonna catch me!" the Joker sang.

Dr. Fitz regained his balance and moved to a spot that was less in the way of any more passing-bys of the two men. He focused back on the group. "You deliberately scared that woman away!" he hissed.

Katherine gasped. "Now why would you accuse us of a thing like that?"

"Yeah! That is soooo hurtful!" Katlyn 1 whined.

"Oh don't play innocent with me," Fitz snapped.

To his horror, Harley got up and cozied herself up against him, batting her eyes. "Would you like it better if we act naughty?" She grabbed the lapels of his doctor's coat and pulled him close like she was going to kiss him.

Dr. Fitz's face drained of color and he stumbled backwards to get away. "Enough!"

"Oooh, Harley, looks like you just got the brush off," Katherine crowed.

"Eh," Harley shrugged. "He's not my type anyway."

Bernard Fitz regained his composure and straightened his coat. "Nor is she mine!"

"Does he even have one?" Katherine loudly whispered to Caleb. Caleb chuckled.

Fitz's brows lowered to form an angry frown. "I have a type! And she's going to meet me for dinner tonight!"

"She's probably not real," Katherine said, enjoying how frustrated Fitz was becoming.

"She is too! And as soon as I find Nurse Gilbert and bring her back to watch you lot, I'll be leaving to get ready to see my date." He turned and began to walk away.

"Good luck with your non-existent date!" Harley sang.

Dr. Fitz whirled around to face the group. "I'm going on a date with Nurse Amber Johnson!"

The groups' response was instant. Jaws dropped, eyes widened, and the Joker skidded to a stop so suddenly, Nigma had no time to react and plowed into the clown. Both men tumbled to the ground. The puzzle piece slipped out of the Joker's hand and landed in between him and Edward. Nigma lifted his head off the floor, shook it to get rid of the dizzy sensation and spotted the piece in front of him. He swiped it up and grinned with glee.

"Ha ha! Mine!" he cried. Then the realization of what Dr. Fitz said hit him with just as much force as colliding into the Joker. "Wait-! He said what?!"

The Joker was lying on the floor, but his eyes were fixed on the doctor. He could have shot lasers out of his eyes at the man with the look he was giving Fitz. He leaned his weight onto one elbow and used the other arm to point at Bernard. "Aaaah… wanna repeat that, doc? I think I misheard you."

"Nurse Johnson and I are going on a date tonight," Fitz answered, coolly. The only reason he was able to say it so calmly was because Lyle Bolton was watching the group.

"Oh," the Joker said, casually. That calm casualness was gone in a second flat. "HOW THE HECK DOES SOMETHING LIKE THAT HAPPEN!" In one swift move, the Joker had pushed himself up from the floor then used his long legs to carry him all the way to Fitz. "HOW!?"

Everyone else jumped to their feet as well. Edward forgot all about the puzzle piece and joined the gang. "Blackmail! It has to be blackmail! He's blackmailing, Amber!" he shouted.

"Blackmailing our nurse, eh? Wait til I get my hands on you-!" Two-Face growled, making a grab for the British man's throat.

Fitz was saved by Bolton and the security guards. They put space between the patients and the doctor and stood close by as Fitz caught his breath. "I did not blackmail her," he told them.

"Says you," Edward huffed.

"Whether you like it or not, I don't care. I'm not looking for the approval of any of you. I'm going on a date with Amber and that's that!" He looked each of them in the eye like a father scolding his children, and then turned on his heels towards the exit. "Now to find Nurse Gilbert…," he muttered, walking away. If he had looked over his shoulder, he would have seen the whole group share a conspiratol smile.

Dr. Fitz found Nurse Gilbert huddled in the corner of a broom closet.

…

Amber had paced back and forth in her apartment until she finally decided that it was doing her no good. The only way she'd be able to go through with this was if she talked with Joan. She called the slightly older woman and asked if she could spare some time for her. Joan said it was her day off and to come meet her at her apartment.

When Amber got to Joan's door, she could hear music coming from inside. She tried the doorknob and found it unlocked. Once the door was open, Amber could hear the music clearly now. Along with Joan's voice singing loudly.

"Oh, killing me softly and I'm still fallin'
Still the one I need, I will always be with you
Oh, you got me all gone, don't ever let me go
Say it real loud if you fly
If you leave me you out of your mind!"

Amber padded into the apartment and stopped around the corner of the hallway leading into the living room. Joan was folding some towels and piling them on the couch, her back was facing Amber. The young nurse had to physically put her hand over her mouth to muffle her laughter as she watched Joan swinging her hips to the music.

"My baby is a 10
We dressing to the 9
He pick me up we 8,
Make me feel so lucky 7
He kiss me in his 6
We be making love at 5
Still the one I do this 4
I'm tryna make us 3
From that 2
He still the 1!"

Joan finished folding the towels and now was free to dance how she pleased. And she surprised the heck out of Amber by dancing like a professional. She successfully pulled off a few of the moves Beyoncé did in her 'Countdown' music video. Joan's singing wasn't that bad either. She wouldn't be booed off stage, Amber was sure of that.

"Me and my boo and my boo boo riding
All up in that black with his chick right beside him
Ladies, if you love your man show 'im you the flyest
Grind up on it, girl, show 'im how you ride it,
Me and my boo and my boo lip locking
All up in the back because the chicks keep flocking
All that gossip in 10 years, stop it
London speed it up, Houston rock it!"

Amber bobbed her head to the beat and planned on the best way to make her presence known.

"Oh, killing softly and I'm still falling
Still the one I need, I will always be with you
Oh, you got me all gone, don't ever let me go
Say it real loud if you fly
If you leave me-!"

Now! Amber jumped out from her hiding place just as Joan twirled around to face her. She sang out, "You're out of your mind!"

Joan let out a scream and flailed her arms as she fell backwards and flipped over the back of the couch. Amber hugged her middle as she laughed good and loud.

"Amber!" Joan screeched once she sat up from the couch; hand over her wildly beating heart. "Don't do that!"

"But it's such fun." She ignored the frown Joan threw her way and went to her iPod's iHome. She tapped the screen to look at how many songs Joan had of the current singer who's song was still playing. What she found only made her smile. "I knew you were a Beyoncé fan!"

Joan had now gotten off the couch and was readjusting the towels that she had landed on. "It's because I'm black, isn't it?"

Amber whirled around with a gasp, a hand pressed to her heart in feigned shock. "You're black? Oh my gosh! You've been black all this time? Joan, when were you going to tell me?"

Joan threw a towel at her. "You goof."

Amber caught the towel and brought it back to the couch. She helped Joan refold a few towels. "Sooo, Joan…. I didn't know you could dance."

Joan didn't miss a beat. "I'm black and a Beyoncé fan, ergo, I would have to be a fabulous dancer."

Amber couldn't hold back the giggle. "I can't dance worth a flip."

"I doubt that."

"It's true!"

"And why is that?"

"Because I'm white."

Joan gasped and dramatically fell back on the sofa, sparing the towels this time. "You're white?!" They both laughed and Amber helped Joan carry the towels to the bathroom and put them away. "I'm actually surprised that you can't dance. I mean, with how much you love music and all…"

"Oh I dance, but it's only when I'm alone in my apartment. I call it," Amber changed her voice to sound as if she were naming something amazing, "Dorky Dancing," she said, widening her eyes in mock wonder and slowly bringing her hand out in front of her as if words were forming along with the motion.

Joan smothered a chuckle as Amber shrugged. "Hey, it's how I stay so fit." She flexed imaginary muscles. "I dance so awful the fat doesn't want to have anything to do with me."

Joan rubbed her eyes, still trying to hold back a giggle fit. "Was there something you wanted to tell me? A reason you came over?"

Amber feigned paranoid confusion. Her eyes grew large as her head twitched back and forth like a watchful meerkat. "Was there?" After earning a giggle from Joan, she dropped the act and sighed. "Yeah… but you might want to sit down."

….

While Amber's explaining the situation to Joan, I'm sure you Readers would like to know what is currently going on with the Arkham Gang. Mayhem, my friends. Sweet and delectable, Mayhem.

Nurse Gilbert had reluctantly resumed her post as the substitute nurse and had joined the gang in the rec room. It would have been best if she hadn't.

"You can't call Nurse Johnson because you're not allowed to," Nurse Gilbert said to the Joker. He'd been bugging her to let him use a phone to call Amber and have a good talking to about the news Dr. Fitz had dumped on them.

"But why?" the Joker whined.

"Because that's the rules. High Security Patients like you are not to use the phone unless given special permission by the asylum."

"But why?" the Joker asked again, throwing a conspiratol glance at Harley. Harley grinned to show she understood.

"Because of security reasons."

"Why?" Harley piped up.

"Because that's how the rules were set up."

"Why?" Edward Nigma asked.

"Because."

"Why?" Caleb giggled.

"Because!"

"Why?" Katlyn 1 snickered, mischievously.

"I DON'T KNOW!"

"Man, you don't know anything, do you?" Katherine scoffed.

Nurse Gilbert buried her head in her hands. "I'm not paid enough for this!"